The World Is Mobile

APRIL 2004 - I thought I had seen it all and heard it all, but at the funeral of Lt.Gen. Rafi Alam the other day, I was able to attend my first funeral prayer accompanied by the strains of ‘Pretty Woman’ that a loud and unstoppable mobile phone belted out. I know perfectly well what the General would have said, but it was bizarre that seconds after the funeral prayer began, this infernal device three rows behind us went into action simultaneously. As it played on and on, one of those jingle-jangle tunes that are now the rage with cell users, we all wished the owner would simply reach into his pocket and kill the monster. Of course no such thing happened because the gent was praying and how could he ‘interrupt’ his prayers by switching off the phone? It perhaps did not cross his mind that the Almighty would have forgiven him for the break in his prayer. Neither did it cross his mind that he was not only breaking the sanctity of a solemn moment but was causing distress to the hundreds who were gathered to say farewell to a wonderful man. Maybe he didn’t have a mind to begin with. Whatever, the little monster finally fell silent like a petulant child whose latest tantrum has been successfully ignored and we were able to complete the funeral, a little shaken by the drop in common manners that are now truly reflective of the times we live in.

Mobiles are here to stay and from all accounts, their tribe, like that of Adam Bin Bede is on the increase and is expected to double by 2005. Earlier this week, the Pakistan Telecom Authority under the stewardship of Maj. Gen. ® Shahzada Alam Malik, held an open, transparent and impartial bidding process awarding licenses to two new cellular companies. Space Telecom Pakistan, a blend of Pakistani shareholders and Syria Tel, a company with operational experience of the small Syrian market and Telenor Mobile Communications, Norway, a level one player, with operations in over a dozen countries and over 39 m customers. Both emerged winners with successful open bids of US$ 291 m apiece. Experts had predicted bids anywhere between $ 150 to $ 170 m, but I guess the telecom game can be unpredictable. After all, look at our own mobile missile, Shoaib Akhtar. What a dud that’s proved to be! From all accounts, the entire process has proved that it is possible to provide an even playing field so that the competition is genuine and the best companies can win. This sort of thing hardly ever happens here, where the dice is loaded in favour of the undeserving favourites and everyone who has anything to do with the proceedings or the results of it is dedicated to ensure merit does not triumph over mediocrity. Most biddings and awards of licenses such as the one conducted by PTA are marred with scandal and double-dealing. Maj. Gen. Malik and his PTA team therefore deserve a round of applause for having done it by the book. The arrival of two more cellular companies will bring the number to six, though it looks more than likely that one or two of the existing ones will find it very hard to match the benchmark of $ 291m when renewing their licenses. “Survival of the fittest,” said a telecom expert and that is good news for the end users.

I agree with the observation that along with the steam engine and ice cream, mobile telephony is among mankind’s greatest hits, but the blitz of mobile users has also unleashed a corresponding blitz of bad manners. This is a good example of technology getting ahead of culture and in our case, leaving it miles behind. Cell phones are vital for survival today. Based on a technology that makes mockery of traditional communication as we understood the term only ten years back, these phones connect people wherever they might be and whatever they might be doing. You could be at a funeral or singing like Pavarotti in the great privacy of your bathroom. You could be riding a car, bus, tram, truck, airplane, train, elevator or a donkey. You could be parked bang smack in the middle of a concert, lecture, meeting, theatre, library, hospital or class room and chances are you would be connected, talking nineteen to the dozen with the rest of the world. In times of emergency or in tight situations, mobiles are pretty nifty friends to have if you wish to overcome a problem. They can save you any amount of hassle, wasted trips, undue waiting and other assorted complications that drive many of us to early ends. But this unleashing of new fangled technology where other than making coffee or manicuring your feet, mobiles can just about do anything has brought with it a nationwide collapse of civilised behaviour.

At the best of times, we are not civilized people, although by nature we are open, generous and warm-hearted. Our public front is hostile, ill mannered and loud. In this scenario arrives the mobile. Now, remaining in touch has crossed all limits. With 2005 promising more battalions of users entering the arena, we should get ready for an onslaught on our already fragile and crumbling social manners. No mobile company has thought it worthwhile to invest anything in teaching its customers the proper and the improper use of mobiles. Perhaps it is not on their priority list, concerned as they have been with upgrading technology, edging out the competition and grabbing market share. However, globally more and more people are insisting that the time has come when consumers must demonstrate acceptable behaviour while using this new technology. The New York City Council has passed a law against using cell phones during live performances and in museums. Violators risk a $50 fine but chances of anything like that happening here are zilch. Jagjit Singh in his concerts recently was visibly annoyed at the bleeps going off. It is now a common sight to see people either meandering left and right on main roads, glued to a mobile, listening or dialing or staying solidly in the lane at decreasing speeds as they battle with their phones. No amount of dirty looks has any effect at all. Instead, as is the custom here, you receive a threatening, piercing, intimidatory look and usually an unspoken ‘Oye, mind your bloody business.’ However, for whatever they are worth, there are certain Do’s and Don’ts that can be practiced without losing your honour and status in society.

Keep all cellular calls brief and to the point. Avoid asking what’s cooked for dinner and whether the ailing aunt has passed on or not. Share the news with callers where you are, so that they can anticipate distractions or disconnections. It is futile to keep losing connection, keep punching buttons and keep repeating the mantra that you have been disconnected. Use an earpiece in high traffic or noisy locations – that means everywhere in Pakistan. You can modulate your voice accordingly instead of shouting like King Kong with a toothache. Try and remember the place where you are and accordingly adjust your set. There are many ways that you can be reached without upstaging a funeral or a meeting. And if a request is made, take it in good grace. If an airhostess asks you to please keep your mobile off, it is not a personal affront to your manhood. Neither is it an insult to your ancestors if at a concert, you are requested to switch the device off. While a man in his late sixties can be forgiven for listening to the tones of ‘Ding Dong Bell,’ it is better not to have ear-shattering ring tones or nursery rhymes that destroy all conversation not to mention your eardrums. At meetings, unless you couldn’t give a damn about the proceedings, switch off your set. If you don’t, you merely demonstrate to all what kind of a boor you actually are. And lastly, because all advice is eventually useless, falling on deaf ears – please forgive the unfortunate expression, as a yuppie, don’t ‘multi-task’ – making calls while doing ten other things. It’s not cool man. Use the new technology. Don’t misuse it.