Pure Relief

APRIL 1999 - What Star Sports has actually done for our cricket coverage must rank as a most unlikely miracle. The funny thing is that Star Sports cannot possibly have even an inkling of this. Ever since the channel has gone into cricket coverage, it has simply demonstrated how cricket should be covered visually and how it should be commented upon.

Those of us who have been followers of the game have long suffered at the hands of both PTV and its strange standards of judging who should or should not be seated in the cricket box telling the world what is going on out there in the middle. Only those have not suffered who were and are, faithful camp followers of the herd of horrible cricket broadcasters we have long endured in more or less sullen silence. The list is long and painful and there are many people who must share the blame for hoisting these men on us; men who had no knowledge of the game, no understanding of its finer points, no command over language and no ability to improve whatsoever. These flaws they covered up through flattery in the right quarters, connection-building and privilege-hogging and above all, plain and simple use of money and favours in return for getting on to TV or Radio. In addition, there professional lack of ability was made up by blind, partisan and immature support of the home team. Thus if Pakistan was winning, these gentlemen were in a feverish state and shouting, screaming and ranting as victory became a possibility. When the team was losing, they would retreat into glorious chapters of history, rue the missed chances, blame everything and everyone for the poor team performance and maintain voices that seemed to flow from the deepest recesses of monster morgues. Language that was cruelly brutalised by them at every stage, was different for the home side and different for the ‘enemies’. Many commentators who graced the mikes over the years, missed the most obvious details while broadcasting. The ability to analyse or pass critical and valuable judgement on the most basic situations, was completely missing from their mental makeup. But there they were, year after year, season after season, boring the daylights of those who were tuned in. Each series produced these mutants and each one seemed to outdo and excel the others. Where PTV, PBC and the Cricket Boards were unearthing these beings from, no one ever understood or found out. It seemed that mediocrity and the inability to talk were the main qualities required to do cricket broadcast.

Of course, in some way it was all perfectly understandable. Given the country’s tradition of rewarding those who are singularly without any talent, the horde of illiterates who beamed out in bad Urdu and worse English their narratives from the cricket playing fields of the world, were eminently qualified to do so. Some of these ‘gifted’ broadcasters spent weeks parked in Islamabad currying favours with the powers that be in return for getting into the box. Others, used a potent mixture of blackmail through their rag publications and the good old connections, familial or otherwise, to land the plum assignments. While talented people sat out matches, the favourites romped home in style and in the bargain gave national ear-aches and headaches to those at the receiving end. The great legend of Urdu cricket, Munir Hussain for instance, was awarded the best cricket commentator at the recent fiasco, the PTV awards. The fact that he has done just about two matches last year, is of no consequence. Others, with far more impressive track records were simply bypassed. Although Mr. Hussain has over the past few years, overcome his gluttony of the microphone, he and his supporters made sure that the award flew to him.

But Mr. Hussain is not the only one. There have been so many others, most of them, even worse than him. There are names one had never heard of and when they described the game, one had never heard of that either. One Mr. Nawaz, no not Sarfraz who deserves a separate firing for his recent tantrum involving the unflappable Gavaskar – will no one shut Sarfraz up ? – has according to a shell shocked viewer, murdered the language with the use of the word ‘altogether’ in a new and unique way. ‘An altogether good shot,’ and ‘An altogether good move,’ and so on. Well, Mr. Rehan Nawaz too has been on a serial killing spree for years. One hears that at last some sense has descended on the powers that be an d a committee has finally screened out the garbage and made its recommendations. Hopefully these will be observed and not breached as is usually the case.

In the meantime, Star Sports delights with its superb coverage (does PTV ever watch ?) and the team of experts who are brilliant and bring so much to this great sport. Their talent and gift of expression and observation means that cricket viewers can at last breathe a sigh of pure relief and keep their fingers crossed that the morons don’t come back on the air waves ever again.