It can be done

OCTOBER 1999 - There is one thing that is not in short supply in Rawalpindi this week. Free advice. Since everyone in Pakistan is perpetually offering free advice on every conceivable subject to everyone whether they are interested or not, Pakistan’s new Chief Executive will have a room full of advice before he knows it. The question is what parts is he going to chuck out of the window and what parts will he retain – and of the latter, what can he possibly implement.

There is an enormous challenge facing Rawalpindi and anyone in their shoes is going to wonder where on earth should they begin. Economy? Sectarian violence? Law and order? The judiciary? Inter-provincial polarization? Bank defaulters? Accountability? Smuggling? Illegal arms? Corruption? Foreign Affairs? The nuclear programme? Foreign aid? The list is endless. Each is a nest of hornets and lethal and whoever sticks in his hand is going to get stung. There is no body, no organization, and no institution that has not been eaten up and left intact. It is like trying to open an ancient, moth-eaten book. Every thing you touch will come apart, but unlike old books, this is a country we are dealing with, where people reside who want nothing more than a square deal, some security and a reasonable chance to lead reasonable lives. Not a tall order, but one that is virtually beyond our grasp.

Even as the new government has announced the governors, there is surely a long beeline already formed in Rawalpindi where hopefuls converge much in the same manner they did when the great Mughal held his open kutcheries. They are looking for a slot where they can slide in. Full of ideas and a spirit of goodness oozing from every pore in their body, these professional opportunists are sparing no effort to get noticed and even get selected for a post of their choice – any post actually. How many of these will get booted out remains to be seen, but there is good reason to believe that they will be trying like mad to get in the good books of the armed forces. Ms Bhutto the princess of democracy and the paragon of honesty and integrity first told an astounded BBC newscaster on the fateful night about a civil war in Pakistan. Since then she has been sending smoke signals of large proportions to the GHQ and asking for a safe return so that she can once more serve her people. Heaven help us. Her allusion to the civil war was more like something she wanted and not an accurate assessment of the situation as it was then unfolding. In the end, there was no civil war and one can imagine that Ms Bhutto must have been a trifle disappointed. If she returns to ‘guide’ the country and lead her people to salvation, we all might as well jump in the sea and pray that we drown fast. We may need many things, but Ms Bhutto is not one of them, not in a millennium of Sundays – or Mondays for that matter.

A picture in Friday’s newspaper makes interesting viewing, showing Ijaz ul Haq, Pervaiz Elahi and Ch. Shujaat grinning from ear to ear as they prepare for another PML meeting in Lahore to decide on the fate of the great (motorway) helmsman. You would be fooled into thinking that anything was wrong were you to see the picture. Here are three defrocked politicians and they are grinning from ear to ear. Their leader is holed up somewhere out of sight, their government is history and their futures somewhat uncertain, but you wouldn’t guess there was anything remotely the matter. How in the world will we ever get rid of this lot is a question most of us wouldn’t even want to think about. I just wonder how the army plans to tackle this one, in addition to the forty five hundred other puzzlers that now fully represent the state of our being. The rag tag assembly of the ‘opposition’ parties is an association cobbled together by some very rusty and very unreliable nails. It has just as many chances of coming apart as a wet newspaper.

Apparently, some days back, the beards assembled at Imran Khan’s house in Lahore for an early morning meeting and were all tucked about the living room in their pristine white ‘joras’ and their cleaning shoulder dusters, when the Khan arrived in a track suit, much to their discomfort. His breakfast duly arrived – and Imran takes his meals seriously and he tucked into fresh fruit while a trolley with tea and goodies rolled in. Then disaster struck as Imran Khan’s favourite dog barged in. As dozens of holy legs shot up in air, dogs being a big no-no, a perplexed Khan patted his loyal friend and shooed him away. When he offered his comrades the tea, they recoiled in horror. The Khan’s hands had touched the dog and were now touching the tea cups, It is reported that they fled shortly after and performed ablutions multiple times to get rid of the dog-thing. A progressive Pakistan is not going to emerge from the direction of the holy ones and those who think that by hiding behind the banner of Islam absolves them of all evil and gives them the moral superiority over the rest, need to be taken to the new Chaklala rest and recreation facility, where Mian Sahib languishes in the same room where he had Najam Sethi deposited only some months back! In any case, the sight of the Chief Executive with two dogs – not one, in either arm, must have sent a chill up the spine of the holy ones, all the way from Kabul to Mansoora via Muridke. How will they ever do business with a dog lover? Che, che, che. To those of us who think the best thing that happened to man was a dog, the picture is morale boosting. So precariously are we now placed that we are ready to cling on to any image of hope, howsoever fragile and thin it may be.

The General has a wonderful chance to level a few things. He has the authority, the support of his men and above all, the people of this unfortunate land. Even the west is coming round, so if the army is all about action, it is time to sort out things and put the corrupt to one side and let the country enter the new millennium with a new resolve. It can be done.