People-Proof

NOVEMBER 2004 - After Shaukat Aziz had a narrow escape during his election campaign that quickly led to him withdrawing to the safer confines of the heavily fortified capital city, it was generally believed that the wishes of the Almighty and the bulletproof Mercedes had played major roles in his survival that day. The campaign to procure necessary documentation for him to become the Prime Minister was hastily abrogated and may now rank amongst the other dubious distinctions we continue to earn for Pakistan. In a parody that caused no blushes in Islamabad, Mr. Aziz’s elevation to that coveted top slot in the government, was set into a kind of reverse motion with success guaranteed at the end of the rainbow. These things happen all the time since we all do understand that rules in Pakistan are made of plasticine and are extremely flexible and surprisingly accommodating.

Thus, the Prime Minister who is currently travelling overseas with a team whose size we will not comment on, became a convert to the cause of bullet-proof, bomb proof and missile proof cars. It is the same thing as someone who has a bad electric shock from a faulty switch and is forced to install safer switches never mind what they cost. In the case of the 30 hi tech Mercs the cost is a little more than your imported light switch. The country will fork out Rs. 3 billion for these sophisticated machines and while the makers of these fabulous cars may well be rubbing their hands in understandable glee, over here there is more wringing of hands and hurling of choice expletives in the air which in any event is well-polluted already and won’t be affected by another load of swear words. Since these things still need some rudimentary paper work, the Prime Minister has been gracious enough to ensure that all goes smoothly and although the national budget allocation for 2004-2005 does not carry any provision for this trifling sum, the Ministry of Finance traditionally reluctant to pass even a ten rupee bill, has been delighted to rush this one through. The cars are on their way or may even be here because the security of the VIPs must remain priority number one and if there is no money for expensive gadgets, money can always be borrowed or taken from here and there – creative adjustment of figures is a well-honed art form in Islamabad.

Once our worthies are lodged into the deep and very safe cocoons of darkened windows and speeds of over 100 km through cordoned-off streets, heading for yet another Iftaar or worse, another meeting, led by wailing high speed police escort cars and daredevil motorcyclists hitting speeds that could qualify them for any race circuit in Europe, will life become tranquil and will we all be spared bombings and mass destruction that now forms part of our daily lives. There are no prizes for the correct answer – even Dan Quayle can figure that one out. What is currently of greater concern is who are the 30 that will get the Mercs? Since the number of cabinet members has risen to a number no one can count up to, is the good Prime Minister going to order more – say another two hundred. Going by the pattern set so far, who amongst us will claim to be shocked should we achieve that exalted number in due course of time? Undoubtedly the Prime Minister is a wiz when it comes to ringing up numbers and there will not be a problem to arrange necessary funds and policy to ensure that all his VIPs are bullet-proofed, at least while they are on the road. But the question is, why stop here? Why not house them in buildings that could give Fort Knox a run for its money? Since security of the VIPs must have overriding consideration, it becomes the PM’s duty to take it to the next logical step and the next and the next.

As it is, he was able to contest two elections, one in a God forsaken hole in Sindh and one equally the same in Attock, without having to beat down the dusty track, pat grubby street urchins lovingly on the head, embrace smelly rural folk who obviously don’t use expensive body deodorants and mingle with the ill-clad lot who turn up in their homespun local attire having never sampled the smooth delight of an Armani creation. He was able to do all that, without going hoarse that happens from hollering all day into microphones that hardly work and the fine clouds of dust and polluted air that remains suspended over such areas. Within no time, the grateful electorate who initially didn’t even know such a man existed, were happy to grant him landslide victories. The script developed in Islamabad ran perfectly thereon, leading to the bulletproof extravaganza that is now unfolding. It will soon be forgotten or absorbed by the enormous patience that the people of this land exhibit from time to time when it comes to what perks the rulers go on wanting and what little crumbs are left for the ordinary people. The question is not really of 30 more bulletproof limos. That would be too simple. Who amongst us can convince the government that its foremost duty is to provide security to the people, not to the VIPs? None really because that is not the way the country has ever run. Who amongst us can remind the people that a thousand more security-laden gadget-loaded limos will not alter the flow of life in Pakistan, that throwing money into such solutions is no solution? When the problem of law and order has crossed all limits and the government, which is spending billions on what it calls ‘maintaining’ law and order is a joke without humour, who can remind it that it has forsaken its very core responsibility? Without law and order in the land, no government has the right to remain where it is smugly placed – but these are just words and theories and what is more, it cuts no ice with Islamabad.

Such is the mindset that now prevails that the government goes blue in the face insisting the hotel blast the other day in Islamabad’s posh environs, was but a electric short circuit. While it developed and projected its new theory of science to a country that was holding it sides with derisive laughter, minister upon minister – and there is no shortage of that variety these days, explained with great patience how an electric spark can trigger off an explosion in a heavy air area like the lobby of a hotel. Can we please nominate Mr. Sherpao and Sh. Rashid as joint candidates for the Nobel Prize in Science? Surely these two gentlemen deserve no less. Security in Pakistan is much like an inept skipper of a fielding cricket side who will go on posting men wherever a four is hit. In the end, it is a farce and what’s worse doesn’t stop the fours. Shaukat Aziz can import another three thousand bulletproof Mercs, but it is not going to solve a damn thing. All VIPs should not be allowed to come in contact with the people because with people comes insecurity. The important people should live in another city that no one can ever reach, communicate by very remote and untraceable devices and be invisible to all the common folk. They should broadcast their messages via television, radio or print, but not interact with other human beings unless they too are blue-blooded VIPs. Since they are already doing something like this, so they should simply take it to its next illogical step. That’s something I’ll vote for wholeheartedly even if I have to go to Tharparkar.