National Beavers

APRIL 2001 - At the giddy speed with which looters of Pakistan’s wealth are fleeing to pastures abroad, there may soon come a time when the Family Planning operations could be safely discontinued. But as more Pakistanis read amazing tales of plundered wealth, surely we can all pause to applaud the sheer talent of these empire builders.

Behold in all his glory, Ch Zulfiqar once MNA and former leading light of the Lahore Zila Council, a lowly position us stupid snooty types wouldn’t even wish our worst enemies to hold and yet the good Chaudhry was beavering away, grabbing a piece of property here, a piece of property there and doing all that with agility that would have won him spontaneous praise from the likes of Bill Gates. The man was a one-man industry and a very efficient, well-oiled one at that. As a local councilor in 1979, no one perhaps even noticed the nondescript rural looking yokel who obviously had the brains of a robber baron and an uncanny talent for spotting a lucrative deal. An ordinary start trundled into more ordinary developments when he became Vice Chairman – or perhaps Chairman of Vice would be a better description, of the Khudpur Multan Road, Lahore union council. Most Pakistanis can be forgiven for not knowing where the hell Khudpur is. I don’t know either but I can tell you that they were growing gold kinos on the trees there when the good Chaudhry arrived. Legend has it however, that he was a force to behold once he was ensconced in the Zila Council Lahore. There was no looking back so to speak.

The good Chaudhry switched into high gear when he purchased the Pakistan Switch Gear factory which is now in default to the tune of (happy tune) Rs 90 million – whose money that is, we don’t know but it wouldn’t surprise me that we are paying for it, one way or another. The fools who pay income tax and have their zakat deducted regularly should know that some of it finds its way to line up more fat on the likes of Ch Zulfiqar. A man of diverse portfolios who liked to dabble in exciting ventures, he was soon 50% owner of Lahore’s Ambassador Hotel. Like the other Zulfiqar of Services Cooperative fame, who also ‘owned’ Hotel International on The Mall, our Chaudhry too was a hotel collector – incidentally same as stamp collecting as hobbies go. Next, a shopping plaza, Metro Mart near the Press Club but poles apart since the former houses the fortunes of Pakistan’s robbers and the latter, financially poor and struggling press wallahs, who cut no ice with anyone, least of all those who have position and power in abundance. In a fairy tale scenario that Hans Christian Andersen would have been proud to pen, the dynamic Chaudhry went on to conquer more mountains. A hotel at Murree (the man loved hotels for sure), 25 shops in Lahore to promote good commerce, 12 petrol pumps – put a tiger in your tank, tiger, all in Lahore and some in sundry areas so that rural development could also take place. Houses in Maraka, Faisal Town, Gulberg – 12 kanals please note, New Garden Town valued only Rs 1 C and a plot worth Rs 12 C near that poor Lahore Press Club. The list goes on happily. 2400 kanals in Chunian, fish farms, dairy farms, all worth about Rs 8 C, 96 kanals in Khudpur, where those readers who have not already fainted will recall the festivities began, 260 kanals in Shiekhupura worth Rs 1 C, 480 kanals near Raiwind and 320 kanals gobbled up from Auqaf. Whew!

Now the good Chaudhry has been nabbed but when and how much he will get, is another chapter. Even more important is the sobering thought that for one enterprising Chaudhry caught, there must be hundreds cruising through life living in sheer pleasure broken only by long belches. Their only problems are diabetes, ticky hearts, obesity and declining sexual prowess. Guilt is the last thing on their minds. There isn’t any room for guilt any way because the cunning little machines that hum there all day long are programmed to grab, grab and grab. Grab and accumulate. Accumulate and grab. But surely can anyone doubt the man’s obvious talent for striking lucrative deals? I can only imagine what he could have achieved for us in tricky negotiations with the slippery World Bank types had we been able to programme Chaudhry Zulfiqars of Pakistan. Instead, that huge God given talent of a mind that saw opportunities even in a gutter overflowing in a street, ended up amassing wealth for one person and his immediate circle. Is there a lesson here? Not at all except that all of you with five year old sons, better ensure they get into the local union council and get in there quickly. There’s gold in them thar councils as the saying goes.

And across many seas and many countries, in sleepy and languid Austin, the good Admiral’s ship has run aground at last. Admiral Mansur who had a shady hand in just about anything that moved in the navy has been arrested proving that the arm of the law is long – many thousands of miles. It is learnt that the pride and joy of our navy steered to another port when he heard that the gig was up or whatever it is that sounds alarm bells for navy folk, but he was netted before he could disappear over the horizon never to be seen again. And he is not the only one. That oily, Uriah Heep Salman Farooqi, whose brother dented Pakistan Steel while his daughter and wife obliged the media with carefully choreographed pictures of their praying, lives in great splendour abroad, resting so to speak, on his laurels. Abdullah Shah, Riaz Laljee, Amir Lodhi, Shahid Hassan Khan and Altaf Bhai are out there in the sunshine of safety. BB rants and raves but stays clear of the nets and fatso Sharif and party are shamelessly lapping up the goodies as they enjoy Saudi delights – thanks to our brethren who must see something in the fat man from Gowalmandi that we all cannot spot. Talent? Genius? Philosopher? Who knows? The nation grinds on. They have passed an extraordinary order that writes off taxes not paid by thousands of businessmen who were supposed to pay. What about the morons who paid? Who cares? Break the laws and you will do well. Observe the laws and you will suffer. End of lesson.