Cricket Blues

MARCH 2004 - The problem with Pakistan cricket is that it doesn’t belong to the Pakistan Cricket Board. To say that the Board only manages the game would be stretching things a bit far, since all it does seem to do ever since one can recall, is mismanage it. The number of men who have come and gone is now a long list of failures. Such is the volatile nature of this business that no one has left that stadium, named after the most unlikely cricket-related person, unscathed. Yet, there is a long list of aspirants for the job and whenever the top slot has fallen vacant, there is a national drive and ferocious lobbying to capture this bed of thorns. Even before Mr. Shaharyar Khan’s name was finalized, there was wild speculation that every one who had absolutely nothing to do with cricket was in the run, fervently supported by men and women who pull the strings in Islamabad. Why Mr. Khan was chosen will remain a mystery of the same magnitude as the one that created the tenure of the Mangla Corps Commander. He ran riot with the PCB but then is that anything new?

As soon as Mr. Khan took over, he announced a number of measures, among which I can only recall a few. One was that from now on, there would be complete transparency in everything the Board would do. Another talked of merit and merit alone that would decide future teams and if I am not mistaken, a third hinted darkly at no longer tolerating the presence of people in the Board who held other compromising posts – an obvious reference to Pakistan cricket’s Al Capone, Ramiz Raja. Yet another promised a swift resurrection of the PCB Constitution which when last reports came in, was in the CCU of the Presidency in Islamabad awaiting the royal signatures. That it has been in that state for years is neither here nor there. That, it will continue to be on a life support system till the cows come home is as certain as Shabbir bowling six no balls an over. Mr. Khan made all the appropriate noises and got big write-ups in the media. A new era in cricket was underway intoned the battalions of sycophants and that spring up almost miraculously as soon as there is a change of guard. Now, many moons later and after much grass has grown under our feet, predictably, things are just the way they were before.

The TV rights award to Ten Sports has been questioned left and right and there is some dirty work here. How it has happened is not hard to guess and there are many theories in circulation. There certainly was a fracas about the award that hit the media, but then either it was hushed up or enough muscle was used to quell the discordant opinions. Suffice to say, that nothing much emerged about this matter. Whether it was another murky PCB deal remains a matter of intense speculation. Whether there was inside information that tilted the balance in favour of the lucky winner is widely believed to be true. How much of it can be substantiated is another matter. Anyone who has the time, inclination and resources to dig deep into the deal will most likely uncover some shady transactions, not that revealing it will bring the house down. Like most successful people in Pakistan, the PCB too has learnt that if you let barking dogs bark, they simply shut up or can’t be heard thanks to very sore throats. Whatever the charges may be, if you can bluster your way out of it, you will emerge the winner. The matter of rewarding merit is such a bad joke that it gives most of us a pain in the backside. The choice of Mr. Afridi who has obviously no marbles up there, for the ODIs has been ridiculed from here to Dr. Khan’s luxury hotel in Timbuktu. From a dubious 50 he made in some side match and obviously rather worthless outing, he gained the selector’s approval. The Board also informed us, quite clearly beyond itself with happiness that Mr. Afridi was now concentrating on improving his batting technique. Well we all may be forgiven for being stupid, but how do you start improving your technique after 191 ODIs? Mr. Afridi’s approach to batting does not require the deducing powers of Sherlock Holmes. The man is a slogger, was a slogger and will remain a slogger. One of the most fundamental rules of batting – at least that’s what we were taught in school, was to keep the ball down when playing strokes. Along the carpet was the advice. Mr. Afridi is genetically incapable of playing any stroke that is not taking off like a crow that’s had a frightening experience. In the end, he reverted to type. Perhaps Mr. Bari may like to enlighten us idiots what brainwave had he had in selecting him. With the rest of the side, the selections have been, as they always have been, whimsical. You are in, you are out, you are out, you are in. The system that runs Pakistan cricket is that there is no system.

As for the restoration of the Constitution, if it is not already dead of boredom, banish the thought. It is not going to happen. Constitutions are bad things. They introduce checks and balances, which are frankly hurdles in the way of those who genuinely believe they are the most qualified and gifted to run cricket, no questions asked. This Board is as ad hoc as the one before and that’s the way it will stay. As for the duality of roles that Mr. Raja plays so well – in fact he has more roles than Peter Sellers could ever create when he was the rage, well what can you say? He is the CEO of the PCB from where it is rumoured he takes no money. He doesn’t need to. Ten Sports reportedly pays him US$ 1800 a day – obviously not all for his dull and mediocre commentary. His links with a sports channel and his post at the PCB is as compromising a position as a bear with a paw in a honey jar, but hey who’s looking? No, Mr. Raja, a this and that player in his heyday is now the master of ceremonies, commentator, critic, mastermind, negotiator, cricket’s overlord and a fair man above all. It was his magnanimity that caused the dispatch of tickets to the former test players and quite rightly he sent them 500 rupee tickets, which all declined. Did Mr. Khan endorse this decision of his CEO? And pray what is the PCB telling the ex-cricketers? We can insult you at will? First they forget them altogether and then as a last minute thought, they include them in. At the end of the day, they heap insults on those who gave their best years to the game when Mr. Raja was still crawling on all fours. Great work PCB. Get them to clean the toilets next time. Instead, Mr. Khan who promised us a VIP free culture, turned the boxes at Lahore into Hospitality Suites and an army of free loaders rolled in, had a party and left. Stands were indiscriminately changed to higher slots and revenues were made at the cost of the paying public. That, and a lot more needs to be aired.

The series has been the people’s triumph on both sides of the divide. The crowds have behaved like angels and proved everyone wrong. But our team selection, the strange preparation of wickets, the ticketing fiascos, the mismanagement at the ODIs, the overcharging by vendors, the open black marketing in sight of thousands of law and order custodians, the onslaught of VIPs, the shoddy treatment of former stars – all this and more lies at the PCB’s doorsteps. No one is going to remove this garbage.