The usual suspects

JANUARY 2003 - There is no doubt that the Prime Minister is an imposing figure. He is larger than life and that may perhaps explain why his person is setting the tone for the size of the cabinets. What else can explain the armies – if you will forgive that unfortunate term, of ministers, advisors and other self-important flunkies who are shoving and pushing to gain space in the power passages of Islamabad and the four provincial capitals? There are so many of them about that it is necessary to give them colored kits like cricket teams wear in one day games, with their names boldly displayed at the back. This will solve the perennial headache that we are all experiencing trying to recognize who’s who. It will also satisfy the people who are convinced that they are here for a one day only. As things stand, it’s hard to figure them out from a collection of over 100 VIPs holding various portfolios.

For three months there has been no work but political musical chairs as various dizzying combinations have been made, remade and remade, with horse-trading reaching new heights. Some figure that calling the purchase of the representatives’ conscience cannot be called horse-trading because it is insulting to the horses. Even donkeys cannot be used here since they have a great deal of fortitude and quiet dignity. As a matter of fact it is difficult to determine what animal can fit the bill – there are a few who might do but they are rather unislamic blokes and therefore not acceptable on ideological grounds. For three months the people, who willy-nilly voted them in, have watched the antics of the string puppets and the puppet masters as one shady deal has been replaced by another. In the absence of a clear majority for any one party, it has been a fish market where the bidding has been going on for weeks. And at the end of it all, what have we, the miserable taxpayers of Pakistan, got? The center – though it is hardly that, has 29 ministers and advisors and that was just a few minutes ago. It is not unlikely that a few more may have been added even as we speak. The Punjab cabinet has 33 members – four more than the center and that should say something. Sindh at last count had 17 ministers and Balochistan, 14, with NWFP trailing in at last place with 11 VIPs who will rule over this once pristine province. Since the new set up mid-wifed by the army, has more edges than a broken spittoon, there are any number of adjustments still to be made, to ‘accommodate’ more allies and supporters who too want a piece of the action.

The most significant thing about the 100 odd ministers and such like is that in spite of an appreciable gain in seats for women, there are only two out of 104 who have a slot. One at the center and one in Sindh. Elsewhere there is silence, other than some feeble murmurs here and there about giving women their due place in society – twenty steps behind the men and remaining there. Like with most things that should matter, here too lip service, hypocrisy and deception call the shots and political expediency. The burning ambition is to survive and prosper at the cost of others. This is the paramount objective. Just because women have more seats does not mean they be given, God forbid it, executive and legislative powers. The fact is that the current dispensation is basically a boy’s own set up and women don’t figure in it. So what if they are half the total population and twice as bright as the men? These are academic matters. Women’s place in Pakistan is – well no one seems to quite know the answer, except that it is a very obtuse place much favoured by the establishment. Any foolish hope that we would see some bright Pakistani women represent us in the assemblies is just as foolish as expecting Pakistan to win the finals in South Africa. It just isn’t going to happen. There will be any amount of talk going on for sure, as speeches will be made and impassioned promises will be announced showering praise on the women being second to none, but in essence nothing will change. They will remain second to none - dutifully and respectfully at a considerable distance from the men who are superior in every way.

For three months no serious work has been done in any provincial capital. There is no need to mention Islamabad because the only serious work there was done in Ashoka’s time. Now that the cabinets are completed with Punjab trailing in last there are the Senate elections. These have been postponed because of Hajj. If it had not been Hajj, it would have been smog or approaching Eid or any other silly reason that can be manufactured for the occasion. Not that the Senate will usher in a revolutionary breed of men – there shouldn’t be any women since the Senate has no ladies toilets, who will work hard and purposefully to push progressive reforms through. That kind of activity has been seen in poor light by the luminaries who grow in Islamabad and who have their agendas and their game plan all worked out. Even if after running out of excuses, the elections are held, it will be well past March and by that time it will be too hot to work, so all meaningful activities will be shunted to post-budget and post-summer slots. In the meantime, the 104 flunkies and their counterparts in the Senate, along with the other driftwood that comes with the package, will have to be housed, fed, clothed and pampered. This will cost us an arm and a leg – well that might be a trifle hard to achieve since we sold our arm and leg a long time ago – but cost us it will. Limos, guards, phones, servants, allowances, salaries to name a few along with other creature comforts. No one thought it fit to lay down the rules restricting numbers in cabinets to a handful because that is all you need. The Punjab cabinet is bursting at the seams with 33 VIPs. Still the CM keeps the portfolios of Finance, Planning & Law with himself and that means that nothing is happening in these three critical departments. Instead, he has the vision to immediately find someone for Sports and Culture, which is amazing since we neither have sports or culture. This is happening in the most ‘progressive’ province; one can readily imagine the chaos elsewhere.

The NWFP government seems to have only sex on its mind and has little time for anything else. All energies seem to be devoted to burning videos, closing music shops and banning cable operators. That 20 masked men are allowed to raid a cable operator and trash everything with the MMA leadership busy dyeing their bears with henna and looking innocent, speaks volumes, but then who cares? In Punjab, the only significant announcement to date has been the ‘free education up to Matric’ that was made with great fanfare. A day later we all learnt that the claim was bogus and there was no such animal. The government has not bothered to react. There is no need to. In the meantime, the savings rate has dropped further causing unbearable anguish to millions of widowers and pensioners, but then again, who cares? Elsewhere, more or less the same pathetic display of concern for the people and setting right scores of institutions pervades the thinking. Like all governments, this one too runs on slogans, lies and deception. As usual, nothing has changed and nothing will.