The Talented Bhuttos

OCTOBER 2000 - The NAB disclosure of US $ 1.5 billion worth of assets of the First Couple may have shocked some people in this shell-shocked country. Personally I think no body is impressed. So used are the folks to stories of high quality scams that the most likely reaction will be, ‘What? Only 1.5 billion? Gee, what cheapskates.’ The impressive list, by all accounts, may cause a stir in other countries but we are pretty hardened suckers by now and are likely to turn to the next story which hails the settlement of the Wapda Kapco dispute. There is a God after all.

No, no contrary to what many of the folks might have felt after reading the long list of bank accounts, properties, investments and other goodies stashed here and there, I am very impressed. So finally, the Rockwood estate has found its owners and a tearful reunion is on the cards. I have always had a soft corner for derelict properties which like abandoned puppies, no one wants to own. Remember the enormous amount of funds that arrived one day into the Mehran Bank which no one wanted to own ? And those good crusaders, anonymous to this day, who trudged out to the back of beyond and leapt on huge tracts of useless land belonging to the President Sahib Bahadur of the day, the Hon. Farooq Leghari ? And having bought the land for an obscene amount of cash, then had a fit of shyness and never came back to claim their prize? And while a nation sat down on its haunches, unable to handle the massive dizzy spell that washed over them, the pristine President of the land (now democracy’s last hope) expressed complete silence. Like all things the scam lost its fizz and sank into oblivion. The seedy banker is gone. Is he in jail or in Florida? Who knows and who cares? And Mr. Leghari is happily guiding the flock to new pastures. But ignore Mr. Leghari which is really the kindest thing you can do, and instead stand back and admire the enormously talented Ms Bhutto and her equally gifted spouse.

There have always been two theories in circulation about Ms Bhutto. Theory One advocated fiercely by the ‘jiyalas’ said that Ms Bhutto was absolutely innocent of the shady deals that were going on under her nose, around her feet and behind her back. They maintained that although she was surrounded by corruption in all its many forms that slithered about the corridors of power in what was then hailed as the coming of Camelot, she, the lady with the pure white dupatta and prayer beads galore, was as pure as the driven snow. Of course this theory largely banked on who had driven the snow. They said that while hubby was running a parallel government and a far more productive one than his spouse, she knew nothing about this. This of course raised the rather irksome question that if she couldn’t even spot daylight bank robberies taking place at speeds faster than Munir Hussain in his hey days, how much of an IQ did the lady have ? The detractors further said that if she was innocent, she was also dumb. At such points, the jiyalas would simply walk out or use physical tactics to settle that little argument. If indeed the lady was oblivious to the games around her little empire, it was no disqualification really. After all does it need brains to head the government of Pakistan ? How many leaders have we had in Islamabad who could add two and two and not make a total hash of it ? No, brains or severe shortage of the stuff was not a bad thing in my book.

The second theory, that found little support from party loyalists was that she was hand in glove, or in this case, hand in hand and glove in glove, with AZ who was the mastermind. It was rumoured that BB’s attention span rose in dramatic proportion to the amount of money that was under discussion. The larger the sum, the keener the attention. They maintained that BB was a savvy money manager who was quick on the draw and ruthless when it came to the kill. They further maintained that both hubby and wife were fully into every deal and worked the joint like a well-oiled machine. Their track record, as it unfolds now, is impressive by any shady standard. The important thing, as far as many of us are concerned, is that it matters little whether she was crooked or straight. What matters is that between the two of them, they represent a formidable team of money managers and strategic planners and that such God-given talent is too valuable to lose to a slimy jail in Landhi and the cold, but lucrative lecture circuit into whose vicious orbit Ms Bhutto is consigned to float forever. This is an interesting conclusion and one that most sensible people in Pakistan (about 3 or 4) would agree with.

After all anyone who can manage to open, maintain and keep track of 26 bank accounts that were largely secret, has to be a financial genius. Most of us can’t even manage one PLS account and always discover we are short when cheques for Rs.250 bounce like a Wasim Akram short pitched swinger. Here was a woman, who was running the state, issuing 45,000 statements a day, playing with the kids, opening charity homes and late into the night, toting up the family savings for that proverbial rainy day. Well Ms Bhutto must have planning to reside in the world’s most rain-infested country. Not only that, she assisted ably by her husband, no mean manager he, were buying, renovating and maintaining properties all over the world. Swank apartments in Europe, stud farms in USA and sunny villas in Cannes. I know that most of us are lost handling accounts for one little flat and are constantly in trouble looking for lost papers, but the royal couple were the picture of efficiency and international dexterity handling properties in different continents with varying and confusing laws. Sure, they must have been helped by support staff, but the top management was a two person show and it ran like a dream. Then investments all over the world, managed with finesse and financial brilliance is enough to convince anyone that they were truly talented. The list of their enterprises runs a long way and who knows if this is a book of lists we are looking at. In addition to all their hectic schedules, they were managing properties in Pakistan and lands in Sindh and farms elsewhere and all the time staying poor and avoiding paying any of those silly taxes common people with little brains keep paying in Pakistan.

With the khakis having made a royal mess of it (why aren’t we asking for the Cricket Board chief’s removal by the way ? There are fights going on and England made monkeys of our alleged supremacy in the Karachi One dayer? Is it because he is an army man and therefore above criticism?) I think we should call AZ and BB back and hand over the country to them, of course with a good percentage thrown in for their troubles and an incentive plan. I am sure they will pull the country out of the woods in no time at all.