The Buck Stops Where ?

NOVEMBER 1997 - More mobile than the fastest mobile phone in history, the buck as it is found in Pakistan, is a creature that defies all explanation. It is not only highly mobile, and has never been found to stop anywhere including red lights, but is also capable of stealth properties. In other words, it is seldom seen. The buck is therefore an altogether unique being.

It is therefore no surprise that in the rather farcical charade of muscling into the realm of the law that we have all been entertained with over the past two months, when the S hit the C last week, the buck which was around in its own nebulous way, did not stop anywhere. Those who had closed ranks around this unfortunate country’s prime minister and had been feeding him quality advice, were the first to drop the buck as it came into their hands. They did not want to touch the thing because for all it mattered, the darn thing might have been radioactive. Others felt it might have contracted the dreaded Hepatitis B which now is the prized possession of every tenth Pakistani. The kitchen cabinet, which has assumed new proportions ever since the present government came into power, food now being an item of exalted stature, devoted itself with great fervour to demolishing the judiciary, much in the same spirit that is displayed whilst demolishing a dish of Nihari. When the robed ones refused to buckle under, the buck which was floating over the rarefied airspace of the Prime Minister’s offices, took a dive but so many dropped the buck that the whole thing had to be called off. Of course, the country’s suave, butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth Law Minister simply stepped aside and missed the buck by a good three metres. It was learnt on good authority (all authority in Islamabad, is good), that Mr Anwar has no time or patience with bucks, particularly those that have a nasty habit of wanting to stop every now and then.

With the entire group of advisers refusing to even acknowledge the existence of the buck, leave all touch it, the happy overall scenario in the government was that instead of roast chirras from Gujranwala, there would be humble pie instead, at least for a few days. The presence of the buck, was blithely and wisely ignored. The advisers passed the buck amongst each other by simply dodging it. The cabinet did the same. By the time the buck got to the Prime Minister, there were so many experts at buck dodging, that downsizing was suggested. However, like all things, it was happily postponed to another date, perhaps after the Census (read never). Such revolutionary decisions are pretty commonplace in the capital. The Law Ministry, contrary to rumours, does exist, took a crash course in buck dodging and the entire ministry gained such proficiency in a few hours that experts who had spent years perfecting the difficult art, were simply baffled. Elsewhere, all those who had been part of the eight week holy crusade against the judiciary, took to buck dodging like wet ducks take to very wet water. In effect, by the time the judges had donned their robes, there was not a single soul in the country who was prepared to say that the buck should stop.

Of course for anyone fresh from elsewhere and not used to the mysterious ways in which we have been (mis) governed, this entire business can be very confusing. However, since such people are treated with scorn and contempt and their views with even more of the same, their opinions on the subject of where the buck should stop were dismissed. Had they only asked, they would have been informed that the history of the country had a rich legacy of never allowing the buck to stop, for the truth is that no one knows what might happen were this dreadful event allowed to occur even once.

When trains crash, planes fall out of the sky, gas-filled trucks explode, airforce planes conveniently dump burning fuel on populations below, buses crush children, police murders with great enthusiasm, politicians loot and laugh all the way to the bank, financial scandals are unearthed only to be quickly earthed again, the buck never stops, but simply moves on. When Ojri blew up rather suddenly, the country came to a stop, but the magical buck did not. When the suave diplomat, Mr. Ahmad Kamal compromised the country repeatedly, the buck moved ahead with vigour, as did Mr. Kamal’s brilliant career. When two PAF cadets were ragged to death, the buck was rightly banned in PAF. Likewise when the Naval C-in-C was found with his hands in a submarine full of shady deals, the buck was declared a public offender to be torpedoed on sight. When Benaglis (remember them ?) were slaughtered and East Pakistan fell, the buck was nowhere to be spotted. In Baluchistan, in Dir, in the Northen Areas, in all the cities, towns, villages and tehsils of this country, year after year, brutality after brutality administered by the country’s most loyal and distinguished servants, the buck has miraculously moved on. The country’s entire existence is witness to the fact that while we may have lost sight of everything, we have never lost sight of one fundamental fact. In Pakistan, the buck has never stopped and God willing, never will. Understand that and happiness is yours.