Let’s Ban Entertainment

NOVEMBER 2003 - In what must rank as one of the all-time greatest pieces of executive legislation, there is a new procedure of obtaining sanctions and approvals should you be daft enough to wish to organize a dramatic performance, stage play or musical show – in the province of Punjab I might as well add. The NWFP government – we still have to call it that though resemblance to that species is no longer visible to the naked eye, being even more progressive than their brothers in the Punjab, ensured that all singing and music events in NWFP were banned this Eid. Consequently and in spite of the fact that they had two walloping Eids instead of one, no one was arrested for such deviant behaviour as stringing an instrument or God forbid singing at any public places. Reportedly, the Nishtar Hall in Peshawar, which earns millions for the government, particularly at Eid, was shut down. They should have organised a ‘kabbadi’ match – well-oiled, naked men, grappling is kosher. Pity no one thought of it.

There are no two opinions about Pakistan being one of the most sterile and forbidding countries when it comes to allowing the performing arts half a chance to breathe. Flourish would be taking it too far. Whatever little we have is not very good but still is a tribute to the never-say-die spirit of a few people who carry on regardless of the obstacles that are placed in their path. That we have some artists of renown is simply because the human spirit cannot be squelched under laws that may be made by man but have no humanity in them. As opposed to the precious few who carve out a precarious existence there are thousands upon thousands who perish, unsung and unknown. The cruel and heartless manner in which we have treated some of our most promising artists is too depressing a subject to put in a newspaper which unfortunately people have to read before they have had their first fortifying cigarette. Suffice that we have allowed many talented and gifted people to lead lives of great misery – their salvation coming only when the good lord having tested their fortitude enough, lifted them and set them free. As and when people have tried to get something going, the odds have been so heavily stacked against them that they have, not surprisingly, given up. The great musical extravaganza Lahore was once rightly proud of, the All Pakistan Music Conference, has petered out into a nothing event, the only feature of it from its great beginnings being the sight of Mr. Hayat Ahmad Khan, who has many detractors and has his own way of doing things, but at least he has stuck it out for whatever that is worth. The less said about dance, the better. Our attitude to it is a blot on our name – or should be, but who cares how many blots we have. I think there isn’t any more space left to add another blot. The dramatic arts limp on. There are the public shows, the theatre of the steamy, vulgar innuendo with fat women, loitering vagabonds and broad hints of things naughty. Hugely popular, these have been the bane of the administration that love them and yet keep finding reasons to ban them. The serious theatre doesn’t exist anywhere. Groups of enterprising young people now and then produce shows that are usually good, but if you are looking for a sweeping movement that swells and grows from one end of the land to the other, taking in its path the great drama that is the life of the subcontinent, it is as extinct as the dodo and then some more.

What we do need is more oxygen. What we don’t need is more legislation. Of course given the fact that we reside here, we have nothing on the first count and too much on the second. Following fast on Mr. Jamali’s visionary move of banning fashion shows unless they conform to our cultural values (incidentally what are these?), there are new orders that will make the holding of a show, music or drama, nothing less than a miracle – which as all of us know, are pretty short in supply these days. Were it not so sad a commentary on our thinking it would surely qualify as the most humorous development we have ever had. The Home Department, which I assume, exists following the 1876 Dramatic Performance Act (could it upgrade this one of these days? Surely Junoon wasn’t playing in that year?) has directed the DCOs – this is a new species that we have fathered recently thanks to the dearly departed Gen. Naqvi to adopt SOP, Standard Operating Procedure that goes something like this.

The DCO will monitor all dramatic performances including music shows and ensure that they are not vulgar. Anything that is vulgar – the mind boggles at the sweeping interpretation of this word; Salman Ahmed rolling on the ground with guitar in hand- Vulgar? Suggestive? Lewd? – will be reported to the Home Department for ‘punitive action’. When will such reports take place? Performances are usually at night. Will the Home Department remain open till 3 am? Those wishing to organize public functions will first have to negotiate a labyrinth of bureaucratic slush through which it would be impossible to get through. Sample this. The city’s executive director Punjab Council of the Arts, Lahore (PCA) shall obtain in advance 4 copies of scripts of stage plays, music shows or any dramatic performance. What music show has a script? Has anyone any idea what a ‘rehearsal’ will cost? Who’ll pay? A panel appointed by the Information Department will scrutinize this. After they have done so, the executive director will send the scripts with his proposals to the DCO and state dates of final rehearsals. The reps from the Home Deptt., DCO Office and PCA will then assemble (never) and with hawk-eyes watch the rehearsal. If approved, the DCO will issue an NOC with a copy sent to the Home Dept., and a copy of the approved rehearsal report. The PCA will then inform the Home Dept. about the dates of the censor rehearsal at least 3 days ahead. The same mind boggling procedures will be followed at the district level. These set of rules have more holes in them than a beggar’s old socks. Given the famous efficiency of our rulers where as ordinary a thing as one signature can take months and sometimes years, how in heaven’s name will these committees, sub-committees, panels, officials and their assorted paraphernalia ever work in tight collaboration and ensure that things proceed smoothly? And when the issue is as obtuse as what constitutes vulgarity and what does not, we are looking at complete chaos. What will happen is the usual. Nothing will get done, people will run from one official to another, the panels appointed will not show up, there will be regular shortage of quorums, the files will go missing, copies of reports will fall into mysterious black holes enroute from one officious ‘babu’ to another and eventually, money will be used freely to grease palms and get necessary permissions. We all know that the government is largely present to make sure nothing ever gets done. There are no known government functionaries who have ever had anything done at the first go. The philosophy that pervades is how to prevent things from going ahead. At that craft, the government has no rivals. In the hands of petty clerks and their petty keepers, nothing will move forward and one objection after another will derail the most meticulous of plans.

In countries other than ours, rules are made to ease the flow, not clog it. Here the opposite principle is at work. In an already red-tape infested atmosphere in which we are all expected to get our work done, the new rules are stifling, regressive and stupid. For those engaged in the dubious black arts of entertaining people, this is another dagger in their already bleeding back. This time, they will not survive further attacks.