Horror Airport

APRIL 2000 - Tell me, what will it take to make Islamabad airport an airport and not a fish market ? Will we have to wait till aliens from another galaxy land here – provided the CAA will let them, and simply eradicate the heap of buildings and the attending chaos they contain, in one swoosh with an electronic garbage collector ? Looks like it. Till then, for all of us who have to brave exits and entries into its blighted interiors, Islamabad airport is a nightmare of horrendous proportions. And that’s putting it kindly.

Every time an international flight lands here, it sets into motion a tidal wave of confusion and disorder on a scale that is frightening. Well before the aircraft lands, there are a series of flattering announcements beamed at the growingly unhappy faces of the tired travelers. There is malaria infesting parts of the country and anti-malaria pills are advised, while in Pakistan and three weeks after leaving its blighted shores ! This must do wonders for tourism, not to mention pride in the heaving bosom of all nationals. This is followed by the recitation of dire consequences should anyone be so foolhardy as to smuggle in liquor, which is banned in the Islamic Republic. No wonder booze-intake in Islamabad is amongst the highest in the world; records used to be set every time the national assembly or senate met, now happily both dead and buried. Of course any kind of photography is forbidden because we are guarding, well I am not sure what, but obviously something terribly secret. Not only is aerial photography banned, so is any clicking of cameras in and around the airport. Should you be considering such a foolish undertaking as a family picture before your son goes off or your daughter returns to her job abroad or whatever, the goon squads will arrest you and deport you to God knows where. Such encouraging and optimistic announcements send a feeling of happiness and elation flooding through all those fortunate enough to hear them. Welcome to Pakistan.

To be honest, I cannot understand why it is not possible to organize the international arrivals hall at the airport. Every day, passengers are subjected to the worst kind of disorder and chaos moments after they enter the hall. Pakistanis always take the words of the announcement…. .‘in a few moments we shall be landing’ as the green light to leap into the air, reach for their bags in the overhead cabins and start making elaborate preparations all of which ultimately lead to a long line of stupid people standing in the aisles waiting for the stairs to be wheeled up. Entreaties from cabin staff are of no consequence. This is a nation in a hurry to go nowhere. More frantic announcements…. ‘do not leave your seat until the engines are switched off and the captain has…’ are lost in the rush as bodies heave through small spaces to get out of the aircraft. It would seem as if the plane is on fire seeing the look of panic and the frenzied mood of the passengers, almost always Pakistanis. In the end, those who left first and those who came last, all stand leveled before the two baggage carousels that stoically remain unmoved long after the aircraft is empty and refueled for its return flight. Once the carousels move, anarchy, which leads a robust existence beneath the skin of every true Pakistani, takes over and mayhem follows.

When you think of it, the arrivals hall can be organized without invoking the spirit of Einstein. It is a fairly large hall. It’s not Heathrow and it’s not Changi and it never will be. Not in our lifetime or the time of our children and their children, but it is not entirely a cycle shed either. It does not require a twenty five year plan to be set right. All it requires is a minute quantity of common sense and a basic drawing that can bring order where pandemonium rules supreme. An arriving jet will have between 300 to 400 passengers and while the two carousels are not enough, they can certainly work faster if they are loaded faster. In a country where labour is not only cheap but begging for work, it beats me why more people cannot unload baggage faster than they do presently. And the day we can move the baggage without the help of old, run down tractors, I shall do somersaults from Lahore to Raiwind and back. The ‘trolleys’ for that is what CAA insists they are, require Hulk Hogan and his cousins if they are to move an inch at a time. Whoever ensures that these steel monsters continue to torture passengers every day should be shot by a firing squad, at least twenty times. No one can describe these stone-age relics, but if the CAA can’t even replace them, why can’t we replace the CAA ? And what magnitude of investment is required to put new ones in ? I know half a dozen companies who’d happily sponsor the trolleys, but only if someone asks them. What will move CAA to do this if nothing else ? Instead, passengers fight, push, scream and threaten one another as the steel monsters in woefully short supply are grabbed and more anarchy breaks out. In all this, touts loiter about, officious looking customs hyenas eye lucrative baits, various agency personnel without a clue meander about (now they have thrown in uniformed army men as well). More mayhem. People trip over one another, manners are floored, women are shoved about and the hardier ones make it to the scanners – another useless and stupid intervention. In as much time as it takes to enter Pakistan airspace and arrive at Islamabad, people travel the few yards to escape the arrivals hall only to be pounced upon by scores of somebody’s else’s relatives (and the neighbouring village), taxi drivers, more touts, money changers, beggars, more officials and men with half torn signs laying claim to Mr. Brown and Mr.Clifford.

This is the daily scene at the ‘international’ airport in the nation’s capital this side of the 21st century. The spooky thing is, nothing will ever change. We will all suffer, curse the authorities and move on to the next glorious hurdle that makes life in Pakistan test every nerve in your system and makes you wonder what sins did we ever commit to deserve this ?