Catwalking in Pakistan

NOVEMBER 2003 - Facts should never be allowed to stand in the way of any story - even a report that has to be sent to the Prime Minister of Pakistan. Agencies – for this is what they are called, informed His Heaviness that there were two fashion shows held on the night of Shab-e-Barat that violated the sanctity of the holy occasion and rendered gruesome injury to the sensitive sensibilities of the people. It is not important that the second show at the Lahore Fort was held not on the night in question, but the next night. The hotel clarification was tucked inside some obscure corner and no one has probably read it. Obviously, they can’t get the front page.

That aside, all sensible people would agree that holding such functions as fashion shows on occasions that can cause unnecessary aggravation are in no one’s interest least of all those who go to enormous lengths to plan and execute such events. No one deliberately sets out to cause injury to the feelings of people particularly if the receiving end comprises a huge number of red-blooded, ready for battle faithful who are in any event ready to take offence at the slightest provocation. Sometimes people goof up and set off a chain reaction. However, when things are taken to a ludicrous level, there has to be a cut off point before inanity becomes insanity. In the case of the Islamabad show, which has already been branded as ‘vulgar’ an element of notoriety has been added because some members of the Pakistan cricket team were seen partying till the sun came up. Included in this band of merry men were Rameez Raja and Aamer Sohail, both gents no longer playing test cricket. Cricket’s bad boy Shoaib Akhtar was there as was rookie Shoaib Malik. That Pakistan lost the 5th one-day by 7 wickets the next day because the two Shoaibs were cutting circles on the dance floor is utterly ridiculous. Firstly, they left long before the sun came up and secondly they didn’t cost us the match. Those of us who know Pakistani cricketers also know that they have often spent nights gambling, boozing and womanizing and gone on the next day to win matches. Getting into bed at 10 pm with a glass of milk and a cookie doesn’t mean you’ll score a hundred the next day. However, cricket boards and managements realize this too well but still discipline has to be enforced and rules of conduct have to be laid down.

There is no shortage of crackpots in Pakistan but what defies explanation is why the PM should go off the deep end without even getting a half way decent confirmation of the report that the zealous Interior Ministry fed him. To bracket all fashion shows as being full of vulgarity can be accurate if one was describing the plot of a Punjabi or Pushto film, but to label the work of hundreds of talented models, designers, choreographers, event management professionals, photographers, musicians, makeup artists and hair stylists as rotten and working against the ‘image’ of the country, is insane. Look at what has been unleashed following the Interior Ministry’s shady handiwork. A letter promising doom and gloom has been beamed out from Islamabad to the Chief Commissioner ICT, Home Secretaries of the four provinces, all five police commanders, federal and provincial and lower down the pecking order, the DCOs – the new boys on the block. You can be sure that the Corps Commanders are in on this as will numerous other factotums from here to Timbuktu and each will outstrip the other in their zeal, enthusiasm and dedication to the cause. All this because fashion shows are vulgar. This is pretty much like the PTV round table discussion that graced the airwaves following outbreak of violence in Islamabad when hundreds marched protesting about Salman Rushdie’s book. All the participants solemnly declared at the television inquisition that although they had not read the offending book, they were deeply outraged nevertheless. And so it went on. Before pronouncing the three divorces on the emerging fashion industry, the rulers of the country should undertake a thorough, impartial and rational look at what this particular animal is. Shooting off the hip – and in the case of the PM this can be quite lethal, is immature and damaging, not only to the few characters who live hazardous lives practicing the black arts of fashion, music and dance – to name just three, but to the entire community that makes up our strange country.

As for the image of the country being damaged by such things as fashion shows, well that’s a lot of baloney. What is needed is some genuine soul searching as to what really damages and has continued to damage our so-called ‘image.’ As an errant practitioner of this dubious art, let me assure all and sundry that although the planet uses this ‘image’ word far too loosely and far too ambiguously than is possible to present here, it is, at the end of the day, as ethereal as a mirage in the desert. Too many people, companies and countries have perished chasing this most elusive of all things elusive. Our image is not built or tainted by fashion shows, but by the collective impact of the images that float out from our land right across the globe. Not on one day or by one event, but by a bewildering kaleidoscope of changing pictures, words we say, things we write and statements we make. No catwalk model, no musicians, no nobody can just get up there and tarnish our image, because it is too complex a business at the best of times. What real image Pakistan has is known to most of us – not all because many refuse to see the real picture. We are many things to many people. The Americans for instance have perfected the art of using us much like those things, which we can’t mention in public and deep down have no respect for us, because we are begging at their doorstep 24/7/365. The west regards as dangerous, fundamentalists who hate women, hate opinions that don’t match ours, prone to violence, lawless and largely directionless, bordering between the trees and the caves. Some who know us find us hospitable and warm; many don’t wish to even be here. Cricket teams have an anxiety attack thinking about touring here and stories of our corruption are now legendary worldwide. We have some of the richest generals in history and both bureaucrats, politicians and assorted crooks have looted the country, then set up cosy nests in the first world. We have had more army rule than we can now count; we hang prime ministers, dump others and assassinate others. We have a culture and an identity that we refuse to believe in and today, we are breeding at a pace that would put most rabbits to shame. We settle all disputes with guns and we are illiterate and poverty ridden. 60% of our fellow countrymen have no existence; most have no water and no hope. What image are we talking about?

As for the new crop of leaders in Islamabad, Mr. Jamali has completed a year in office in which he has achieved the unique honour of achieving nothing. So for him and the other loud mouths in the government, all non-issues are the real issues – not poverty, not illiteracy, not rights, not law or order, not prosperity, not education, not health, not peace. His tirade against fashion shows has been enthusiastically been received by such luminaries as Qari Sanaullah, Allama Hafiz Shahzad Ahmad, Abdul Rahim Shah, Qari Mohmmad Mushtaq, Dr. Muhmmad Sarfraz Naeemi and Hafiz Abdul Ghaffar Ropri. It’s good company to be in, Prime Minister. Hallelujah!