Audio Assault

DECEMBER 1996 - Perhaps it is irrelevant to moan about anything these days since nothing is right or will ever be, but can somebody stop this nonsensical practice of firing and letting off explosives everytime a wedding takes place here (which is all the time). Understandably, the above is a mad request because not only is there no one who can enforce the necessary legislation but there is also no hope that it will ever be anything other than what it is. The vulgarity and show of bad manners that makes up most weddings in Pakistan, is on the rise. With each passing day, the ceremonies become more and more meaningless, the weddings more lavish and tasteless and the guests more moronic than ever before. Even the shadow of grace or class doesn’t flit by the hundreds of functions where people converge for hours and hours only to exhibit the lowest social traits the minute they are allowed to charge upon the food. This country is surely replete in time to be wasted and deficient in everything else.

But while the amount of money that is blown in the name of weddings defies all calculations and is beyond the scope of this column for the moment at least, why has the display of firearms and the indiscriminate firing that goes with it, become such a status symbol with this valueless society ? The functions themselves are crass enough, but the addition of this element has only worsened a custom that needs drastic surgery anyway. Of course this won’t happen, because those who can change these things are the very ones who perpetuate this evil cycle. The free and unhindered use of explosives and firecrackers however is another matter. It is a dreaded custom that was once confined to the northern part of the country where the Pathans were prone to going into fits of firing exhibiting all the macho values that fire arms seem to imbibe people who have a gun in their hand and a finger on the trigger. Now, you don't have to be a Pathan anymore to let go.

The crazy thing is that all wedding functions end around midnight or thereabouts and by the time the ‘rukhsati’ is about to take place, the explosive experts are getting into their act. What follows is a show that can be well mistaken for an all out attack on the city from across the border. The fire crackers, although this is a misnomer, because they are more like atom bombs, explode with sounds that are enough to waken the dead and kill the living. The sheer intensity of the noise is shattering and all those unfortunate enough to be located in the vicinity of the happy occasion, are jolted from their beds or whatever else they may be doing. It is not one but a series of explosions that rock the neighborhood. Those living close to the happy houses may have to put up with this perhaps once in a few years, but imagine the plight of those who are located next to ‘shadi’ halls, and the way they are proliferating, you can no longer be far from any ‘shadi’ hall. Here it is happy time every night and residents have a torrid time at the hands of these establishments. Considering that most homes have the elderly and the infirm and quite often children or even adults who are ill or studying, this social disease takes a regular toll on the mental health and well being of these people, and of course there is no one that can be appealed to for redress. In fact there is not much that can be done except to suffer it out and hope that all the fat aunts can be loaded onto the tractor trolley or whatever it is that can cart them away so that the noise can die down.

Recent reports in the papers, and these are now quite habitual, inform us all of so many dying from ‘accidental’ firing. In many cases, those bent upon merriment ended up shooting to death the bridegroom whose happy ceremony they were all celebrating. This is not only ironic but very tragic. Some years ago, a PIA Fokker was the target of indiscriminate firing that was erupting as it came in to land at Peshawar airport and caused the pilot to make a landing error. Quite a few people died even then. The question is that how long can the authorities go on neglecting their basic duties to those of us whose taxes keep them in their seats ? The answer is forever, but seriously, the people have to stand up and take a stand because no one else will, not even the unlikely new crusader, the fast bowler from Zaman Park. However, having said all that, an administration that cannot control traffic, cannot remove garbage, cannot repair roads, cannot fix lights, cannot sprinkle roads with water, cannot provide clean water, cannot clear gutters, is most likely to be able to do nothing at all for its people. Ear muffs perhaps can be depended on for more reliable results.