Adding Insult to Injury

MAY 2003 - What is the ‘Giddar Singhi’ or Rabbit’s Foot that Shoaib Akhtar has, that continuously lets him off the hook every few weeks? Whatever it is, I want a piece of it too and what’s more, I am willing to share mine with Prime Minister Jamali, who I am certain can use it given the hiccups that abound in his territory, the fickle hills of Islamabad. Or is it that Shoaib Akhtar who gave this nation two balls at a 100 miles per hour each, has cast a spell on Lt.Gen. Tauqir Zia and his merry men and who can see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil when wonder boy is involved? Who knows?

Shoaib Akhtar who surely should be dropped from the Pakistan side after the latest disgrace he has heaped on our country’s name, has been banned for two one dayers for tampering with the ball during the triangular series in Sri Lanka earlier this week. Match referee Gundappa Vishwanath announced the ban last Wednesday after TV cameras caught the deviant Rawalpindi Express studiously altering the seam during a match with New Zealand. ‘Tampering with the ball is contrary to the laws and the spirit of the game,’ said Vishwanath, who added that he considered this to be a serious offence and deserving the strong punishment that followed. Ironically, the only two players ever to have been charged and found guilty of ball tampering are both Pakistani pacemen, the other being the defrocked Waqqar Younis in a match versus South Africa in Colombo three years ago. While Waqqar was fined 50% of his match fee, spoilt brat Shoaib was fined 75%. The ban means that not only does Shoaib miss the final on Friday versus New Zealand, but also the opening game against England in June this year.

Earlier in his topsy-turvy career, Shoaib has already broken the rules more than once, but such is the power of his talisman that he gets away with blue murder each time. Shoaib was severely reprimanded by match referee Clive Lloyd after Pakistan’s first test victory in Zimbabwe last year but was lucky to escape without any punishment. However, since he never learns anything, he was banned for one game following an incident on the same tour where he threw a bottle at a spectator who was heckling him. More recently, he was omitted from the probables for the tour that is on and then, as happens in Pakistan, he was included inexplicably following some mumbo jumbo from the various officials who rule the roost at PCB. Suddenly Shoaib was back in contention and some selector or the other – I can’t even remember who is in and who is out, made appropriate noises that Shoaib had performed well. He must have meant the nets. However, since the antics of the PCB are beyond the scrutiny of earthly mortals and since the mandate it has is almost divine in nature, his inclusion was accepted by the confounded cricket enthusiasts with a huge pinch of salt and a long sigh of resignation. It was not difficult to predict that the people were merely waiting for how soon Shoaib would throw another tantrum, act in a cheap manner or create a disciplinary problem. Particularly when the czar of cricket’s wobbly edifice announced that this was Shoaib’s last chance and that any more nonsense from him would mean the end of his rocky tenure with the national side. Of course, no one had to wait very long. Within weeks of departing for Sri Lanka comes the ball-tampering episode. The hearing has been fair as admitted by the Pakistani manager, Haroon Rashid and has been accepted by the team management.

But here is the twist. The PCB, which had issued dire warnings to Shoaib to behave or else prior to the tour, now informs us that it is not going to challenge the ban. Obviously it can’t because Shoaib was caught red-handed and there’s no getting away from that. What is shocking is that PCB has announced it has no intention of taking any further action against Shoaib for having brought the game and his country into disrepute. It goes on to add that their Chief Executive Ramiz Raja is in Sri Lanka and he will ‘brief Shoaib on how to behave.’ This is adding insult to the many injuries caused to us on many occasions because such statements imply that most of us are soft in the head and can be easily deceived by tricky word play. What precisely will Mr. Raja brief Shoaib about? How to behave? A man who has had the lucky distinction to represent his country in 85 one-day internationals still has to be taught ‘how to behave’? What complex philosophy is Mr. Raja carrying with him in simplified form to explain to Shoaib who has the same IQ as a worm? Proper behaviour is not a subject that only Einstein was able to master. The line is clear and distinct and always has been. It is people like Shoaib who sully our name and bring shame to the country. Those who are honoured to wear the Pakistan blazer and who are supposedly the country’s ambassadors have a huge responsibility on their shoulders. Not only are they role models for thousands of aspiring youngsters, but how they behave reflects on the country’s international image. How can behaviour of the kind exhibited once again by Shoaib allow him the huge benefit of the doubt? How is this a defendable position and if so by what twisted logic?

Shoaib’s medical treatment has cost the country millions. In the wake of the team’s departure for the ill fated World Cup came the allegations of carrying a bowling consultant/coach for our weapon of mass destruction, a dedicated physio and God knows what other personnel - perhaps a shrink to soothe the frayed nerves of our super hero? These allegations were ignored and dismissed with derision, yet when the house of cards began to collapse in South Africa and the controversy refused to die down, the doctor was hastily recalled; in between any amount of double talk and plain old deception was used to cloud the issue. Only someone with a naïve understanding of the game could have prepared a plan where Shoaib Akhtar would come charging down at a hundred miles an hour and take all ten wickets in ten balls without conceding a single run. There was a pre-determined notion that Shoaib was going to win us the World Cup, which the Chief had thundered banging his desk in Gaddafi Stadium, he wanted right there, smack in the middle. No one had the guts to tell him that delusions don’t win campaigns, military or cricket. Instead, everyone praised the spirit and joined the chorus of sycophants singing praises to the czar. An ill fated departure came to a conclusion that was there in the script from the very beginning, but who was going to challenge the dozens of bad decisions that led to a fractured side, a clueless manager and even more clueless management and a circus of free junket experts who made the trip making us the laughing stock of the world’s cricket managers and the media. Well, the World Cup is long gone. The Aussies have swept to their 20th consecutive one-day title and all we have is Shoaib Akhtar lifting the quarter seam hoping no one is watching.

If the PCB has any conscience, it should have recalled and banned Shoaib. Pakistan’s cricket, believe me, will not fold up and die. Instead, a weak, vacillating and whimsical board has taken yet another bad decision. There is so much wrong with our cricket that one can no longer make a coherent list. Frankly, nothing can be done about it unless there is an atomic explosion in Gaddafi Stadium and there won’t be one. Had Skipper Kardar been around, Shoaib wouldn’t have made the side, but had he done what he has done, Shoaib Akhtar would have been cooling his heels in the backwaters of Rawalpindi instead of insulting this country.